This was the title of an article posted about me on LifeNews.com yesterday. Evidently, they picked up this story from the PA PRO-LIFE Federation and put it to their FB, Twitter and Website. The title of the article was interesting because it was the same question I asked myself for years. It's the same question many of you are asking now.
When I started to see the comments made by pro-lifers on this article, I was more surprised than I thought I'd be. I was shocked to read comments like: she should be aborted, she is possessed by a sex demon, she should be dismembered like her children were, she should kill herself, her mother should have aborted her and the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, I counted the cost of doing this before I did it, but I didn't expect this from those in today's pro-life community. Trust me, I've heard worse things shouted at me as I went going abortion clinics from the sidewalk shouters, but I expected a different response on this side. In the same respect I was encouraged by many of the Christlike and biblically sound responses I saw too.
So what did I do with these insults and ill wishers comments? I prayed for them. I responded in love. I did what Jesus taught me to do. You see I know what I've been forgiven of, delivered from and healed in.
I have no room to return evil for evil. If anything the depth of my compassion for those who have none for me is heightened with each horrific proclamation. I know that its impossible (in my mind) for someone to be so cruel, unless he/she is so terribly wounded themselves. Because at one time I was no different.
Now I am aware that their hurts may have absolutely nothing to do with abortion, but it's there nonetheless and Jesus shed his blood for them, as he did for me. He wants to heal them as he has me. He wants them to know his limitless love and restoration as I do. How can I not respond in love? I can't.
You see all those awful things they say, are things I've already thought and claimed myself as worthy of. They could never say anything harsher than what I've told myself. They don't wake up everyday knowing they've murdered 8 of their own children.
I'd come to the point that I had given up entirely of ever being anything than a blemish that didn't matter and I was fully ready in 2004 to put a bullet in my head. I couldn't bare the pain anymore. The pain of what had been done to me or the pain of what I'd done to others and myself. So in a last ditch effort, mostly to confirm I didn't matter, I cried out to the God I was sure abandon me long ago when I was just a little girl.
To my surprise, He answered. He told me I matter. That I wasn't an accident. That He loved me and would never leave me. That I was forgiven. His Beloved. He said, that I would never be alone. I still cry when I tell the account of His Answering My Cry, even to this day. How can I not?
So although the things that have been said Hurt, they don't hurt for the reason you might think. They hurt because my heart aches for those who persecute me. Although I thought I was entering this new season of my life, to help pro-lifers grow in understanding of the multiple post abortive woman, the mother in crisis pregnancy to chose life and the post abortive woman who is suffering alone and silently, I see now there's a group I never considered; that's the group who hates me!
As of right now and as far as I can tell, the story originally posted has been shared over one thousand times. Maybe more, its hard to tell for sure. But that means that 1k people have seen my story and maybe even listened to the interview I did with the PA PRO-LIFE Federation, which started all of this. Maybe just maybe women will begin to heal, who haven't before now. It's all worth it. As of right now 2 women have come forth privately asking me about my healing journey and thanking me for my courage to speak up. Thank you God!
To you Dear Sisters, Jesus doesn't condemn you, and its' time to throw your stone down too and receive His healing. One of the things God used in my healing journey was Rachel's Vineyard Retreat. I recommend it highly! Take my word, you won't regret it! www.rachelsvineyard.org.
I am grateful for the honor of sharing my story. Thank you to PA PRO-LIFE Federation and LifeNews.com for helping me to share it. For those in the pro-life and Christian communities who pave the road to healing with grace and mercy and not shattered glass. Thank you! For those of you who hate me and women like me. I'm praying for you and love you.
If you are interested in listening the interview, please go to www.paprolife.org/lifelines-radio
Thank you for spending some time with me and my heart.
Love,
Tammi
Mother of 11 children
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